Ben "the warlock" Roethlisberger has successfully made another sexual assault charge magically disappear. He must have put a spell on the DA and police officers because, like last time, he was obviously guilty, and I don't know how they could see otherwise. I think he has the ability to put spells on girls too because they can never seem to get their stories straight enough to build any sort of substantial case. I hate to use the word spell again, but he is in the process of casting one on the city of Pittsburgh and the Steelers organization. Didn't you learn anything in school with Harry Potter? Don't overuse you're power dude.
Athletically, he's won two Superbowls in a relatively short amount of time which is solid. He's an enormous lumbering beast with a good arm and a jaw like fucking Optimus Prime. He definitely knows how to win games whether he plays well or throws three picks so I can't discredit him for any of that. What I can discredit him for was his ridiculously sleazy hairstyle he was sporting during his apology. You aren't making anyone think you're any classier with that Jersey slicked back/white trash mullet (pictured below) ultimate one, two punch hairdo Ben. You just look like you're ready to go cruise some trashy clubs with Tiger.
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