Joey Porter was arrested Saturday for suspected DUI, assaulting an officer, and resisting arrest. He has come out today saying that the officer "manhandled and struck" him in the face. Is he serious? Unless he was pulled over by the Terminator or Robocop, I don't think there's a donut's chance in Kirstie Alley's house that Joey Porter got manhandled by a Bakersfield police officer. Apparently Porter refused to give the officer his drivers license so the officer tried to unlock the door and good ol' Joey gave him a slap on the hand. There's nothing out about exactly when or how the officer displayed this alleged police brutality so I've come up with a play-by-play of what probably happened. Joey stopped to get a late night crunchwrap supreme from taco bell. He was trying to eat it in the car so he swerved a little leaving the parking lot catching the eye of deputy Jeritt Greer who pulled him over. Greer asked Porter for his license and registration to which Joey replied, "no dude, I'm trying to eat my fucking Taco Bell." and locked the door. Greer, smelling alcohol and wanting Joey's crunchy taco and a sip of Baja Blast, tried to reach in the car to unlock the door. Using his off-hand, Joey smacked Greer's hand and said, "you must be out of your mind if you think you're getting my crunchy taco or a sip of my Baja Blast. Besides, I already ate the taco." Crushed, the deputy decided to get him back by making him do a breathalyzer test. Joey refused so Greer snatched the crunchwrap out of his hand (manhandled him) and ate it right in his face (something involving Joey's face). Joey, realizing he was defeated, took the breathalyzer test and blew a .08. There's a +/- of .02 so the investigation is still in progress.
He should have just done what this guy did.
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