Lakers vs. Celtics- Who ya got?

Since the mainstream media is making such a big deal out of this matchup, I figured I would go ahead and share my thoughts about this game. My initial thought about the game is that I don't give two shits about it. I mean, not only is it barely the midpoint of the season, but neither of these teams are playing well right now. I'm more interested in the Cav's vs. Clippers matchup at 6. Cav's have won 22 of 26 and are playing great ball right now without their 2nd best player Mo Williams. They also have a 5 game lead in the East and I don't think they will be caught. I'm also very interested in the continued playing time and development of JJ Hickson and Jawad Williams. These two young guys could be huge players for the Cav's down the stretch if they don't make any trades.

Anyways, The Celtics have dropped two big games this past week, including a ugly loss to the Magic where they blew a a double-digit fourth quarter lead. They also lost to the Hawks for the 4th time this season. Granted these games don't mean shit right now, but they indicate that the C's have some legit problems. The first one shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, they are old as fuck. I give them a 0% chance of being healthy going into the playoffs. KG seems done, there is no way he is completely healthy right now. Did anyone else see Rashard Lewis waltz around KG multiple times the other night for big buckets over and over again. While many people think they are still the best team in the East when healthy, they won't go anywhere if they aren't completely healthy.

The Lakers on the other hand have their entire roster healthy, but they've had problems in big games this year. Even Kobe thinks this team is soft. With their entire roster available to play they can't claim the injury woes that the Celtics can and have no excuse for failing to show up in another big game. Kobe's finger injury isn't a problem, he's still been the same Kobe and he's shooting over 50% the past 3 games on this road trip and his scoring average is right where it should be. The things I'm looking for from the Laker's is whether or not Ron Ron steps his game up. Ever since he got tanked and somehow ended up with a concussion he hasn't played well at all. I also want to see how Pau "I look like a horse" Gasol matches up physically with Boston inside. I think if they are physical with him early he will be thrown off his game.

The line for this game is Lakers -1.5. I like the Lakers in this game. They have far less questions than the Celtics. They are still looking for a big game win this season and I think they get that today against Boston.

Quote of the Day

"When I hit it I heard the crowd going crazy and I was like, 'Wow, that was a sweet jumper, they must have liked that one.' I had no clue."

- Matt Harpring, on receiving a pass from Mark Jackson and making the jumper that gave Jackson his 10,000th career assist.

Talk about ego devastation. Matt Harpring has always been known only for playing hard defense. He probably had dreams every night of doing something sweet on offense. When he made that shot, his lifelong dream came true then it was cruelly snatched from him. I don't think Harpring or his ego have recovered. I mean watching him struggle through highlight commentary on NBAtv is like watching the 3rd string QB come in the game when the other quarterbacks get hurt. They're just playing terrible and you can just see the hurt in their eyes after each interception. They're watching their career die a slow painful death. You can tell Matt just bawls his eyes out in the dressing room before and after each show. Get it together Matt, I thought it was a "sweet jumper"(see picture)

Athlete of the Day---Mark Madsen

Mark "the mad dog" Madsen might be the luckiest bench warmer in the history of the NBA. Yeah a lot of players have ridden the pine all the way to a championship ring, but he rode it to back to back ships. Mad Dog was an extremely successful college player at Stanford being named an All American twice. His NBA career will always be defined by that unbelievable dance he did while Shaq rapped. Check out the video it looks like he's dancing to "Cotton-eyed Joe." Awesome. The sad part is that he's not even the star of the video. Al McGuire absolutely stole the show with his moves at the end.




This is the greatest white dance video ever. Watch this dude cut up a fucking rug. Also be sure to check out his friend dancing behind him. One of the funniest things I've ever seen

Zorn hired by Ravens

Jim Zorn, the ex-head coach of the Redskins will join the Ravens coaching staff as the Quarterbacks Coach. Despite how terrible he was as a head coach, I'm happy he found another job so quick because he seems like a genuine, stand-up guy. There is no debating that Zorn isn't qualified to be a head coach or even an offensive coordinator, but he's had success as a QB coach before with the Seahawks, and I think he's done some good things with Jason Campbell. He was in way over his head in D.C. and was treated terribly by an owner who has to be one of the biggest dbags in sports. Anyways, I'm glad he can't do anything else to ruin the Redskins and therefore make me want to kill myself 16 Sundays a year. The only thing I will miss about Zorn are his press conferences. You had to be alert when Zorn stepped up to the mic because you never knew what was going to happen.

Quote of the Day

"Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know." - Shaquille O'Neal

I could post quotes of the day for years with Shaq quotes. They're all so good.

Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll

Okay so the Wizards accidentally beat the Nets last night so I GUESS I was wrong about that, but they only won by 2 and the spread was +3.5. If you were smart and listened to me, you are probably wishing the banks were open today so you can transfer all that cash to an offshore bank because the government asks questions when you make millions in one night. I should start helping you gambling addicts more often

Athlete of the Day---Rudy Ruettiger

I'm not sure if there have been a sports figure in history who has put more tears in more dudes' eyes than Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger (sorry Brian Piccolo), but when he runs in that game looking all confused and intense you just have to get choked up. To make matters worse, he gets that sack. I'm not going to lie it gets me. I know it's coming every time but it just doesn't matter.

If you don't know who Rudy is, he's the midget of a defensive end who sacked the shit out of that Georgia Tech QB in the most irrelevant play of the game. He was 5'6" tall and only 165 pounds, and a about 160 of those pounds were in his heart.

Not to take anything away from Rudy, but he was completely out-acted by his all star cast mates. I mean there's no way Sean Astin has the acting chops to be on the same screen as Vince Vaughn (below awesome) and Jon Favreau. I'd be pissed if I were the real Rudy. Astin's only quality acting performance was as the weightlifting phenom Doug Whitmore in 50 First Dates (pictured right, he's on the right by the way).
Anyway, Rudy is still the only player to be carried off the field at a Notre Dame game. RUDY RUDY RUDY

New Defensive Scheme Could Pose an Issue for Fat Albert

The Washingon Post- There's been no further indication from the Redskins of what they'll do defensively next season under new coordinator Jim Haslett, but certainly speculation continues to center on a shift to a 3-4 defense. The most intriguing part of the switch for many will be Albert Haynesworth.

He's played his entire career in a 4-3 alignment and came to Washington with certain assurances; he felt he knew his role and knew what he was getting into with the Redskins.

Okay so writing about defensive schemes in football is about as bone dry as writing about sports can be , but as a Redskins fan, I feel it's important to see how the 100 million dollar man is doing. As it says above, the new defensive coordinator is bringing in a 3-4 defense blah blah blah. Does it really fucking matter? The 100,000,000 $$$ piece of fucking glass can't stay on the field long enough for that shit to affect him. When he is on the field just tell him to stand in the middle and run shit. We all know he "tweaks" his ankle every fucking game, and when we actually think he is healthy, we find out a minute before kickoff that he isn't even going to play. He's as talented as they get, but he whines and gets hurt...hmmm I recall another DC sports team signing a guy who whines and gets hurt to a 100 million dollar deal...Look what hes doing now. My guess is looking at one of his 500 guns trying to decide which one to shoot himself with.


PS, note to Albert: put on some fucking pink gloves or a pink armband or shoes or something. It was breast cancer awareness month. Even Cooley was wearing them. Maybe God hurt you that game...Dick

How to Deal with a Ref When He Swallows His Whistle

Aright so he made the bucket, and thought he should have gotten the hoop plus the harm. Looked clean to me, but hey, it looked clean to that ref too. I mean at least this dude took some real initiative. He didn't just ring that guys bell, he cleaned his clock and gave him a knuckle sandwich too. Lebron and Kobe just do that high pitched scream and clap their hands in disgust. If you really feel that strongly about it then be man like Elmis Bowling and do something about it.

Game of the Night

On a night where there is no good college basketball on because of the fucking X-Games, I'd like to direct your attention to the NBA. The Wizards and taking on the ultra hot New Jersey Nets. The Wiz are coming in losers of 4 straight have obviously begun "operation draft John Wall." The Net's backed into a win the other night versus the Clippers, but made it clear by starting 0-18 that they are part of the John Wall sweepstakes and are obviously in it to win it. This type of game only happens once or twice every five years. Both teams will be actually trying to lose. Normally it's just one team lethargically tossing up 3 pointers and picking their noses on defense, but this time they both will be. It's the perfect storm. It's always so boring to watch one team try to win and the other try to lose, but I'm interested to see the tactics they'll use, and the post game reactions. I bet the team that loses goes off the court smiling and taunting the winning team. This game could actually get really physical, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a fight. Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess.
I actually know who is going to win, so if you're a gambler, bet the house, car, boat, child, everything you have on the Nets to win this game. They're sittin pretty at 4-40, while the Wiz have some work to do at 14-30. The Nets are vulnerable because they let their guard down and beat the Clippers 2 nights ago, and you know Kris Humphrey's felt like Superman after carrying the load in that victory. My guess is the entire organization was like, "What the fuck is Kris doing guys? He's blowing it!" as he poured in a career high 25 off the bench. I bet when they told him to go in the game he was thinking to himself, "Alright Kris, your time to shine. Show em what you can do." Anyway the spread is Nets +3.5. If you're into gettin rich, take that bet.

Athlete of the Day----Adam Banks

Has there ever been a more dominant force in the history of pee wee hockey than Adam Banks? I mean he doesn't quite have Gordon Bombay talent, but he wants it more (to quote Coach Jack Reilly). As we all know, the moment Bombay realized that Banksy actually lived in District 5, he changed Minnesota pee wee and prep school hockey forever. Not to mention the entire fucking world (see D2). Banksy led by example. Remember when Coach Reilly told those two guys to knock Banksy out of the game? They broke his wrist, but the best part was when one of the kids says, "what did you do?" In this like shaky crying mortified tone, and the big kid goes, "my job." Doesn't that seem like they just murdered Banksy? Powerful shit. If you really think about it, weren't they murdering the entire Ducks team? Not on Banksy's watch. As you all know the Ducks rallied and won the title. If it wasn't for Bombay's whack job test to see if Banksy's wrist was okay, they would have been blowing teams out of the water with a true superstar running the show. Banksy's talent was somehow able to turn that city pee wee title into an invitation to represent the United States of America in the world championship. If that doesn't bring a patriotic tear to your eyes then you're not a real American. Cake eaters

If They Seriously Remake This Commercial with Lebron in it I Will Cry

Bron Joins Team Mcdonalds

Lebron James has added McDonalds as one of his sponsors today

Now I'm all for athletes endorsing products and companies to add millions to their millions. I'm not gonna lie, if I was a professional athlete I would sell every square inch of my my clothes like a fucking race car. I'd milk being famous for all it's worth. But for whatever reason, call it morality I guess, I just have a little problem with the fastest, strongest, most athletic person in the history of the human race being the new spokesperson for the most notoriously unhealthy fast food chain. I mean yeah Jordan did it, but people were smarter back then. Plus if he's gonna follow the Jordan model of basketball then why won't he do the MOTHERFUCKING dunk contest, but that's another topic for another time. If McDonalds is going to air these commercials they should provide a warning on there that says something like: WARNING: LEBRON JAMES WORKS OUT AND GETS EXERCISE FOR 20 HOURS EVERY DAY. EXPECT WEIGHT GAIN UNLESS YOU EXERCISE THAT MUCH. Problem solved and I've already been contacted by McDonald's advertising department. No more law suits about "unexplained" weight gain because now there with be a flashing red warning before every commercial.
Stick to Gatorade and Nike Bron. Athletic brands.

Funny clip of the one and only...Jim Rome. Roid Rage anyone?
One of the best parts about that clip is how ESPN 2 rolls with the argument and puts the name thing under Everett that says Jim Everett: don't call me chris ok? awesome

A Trip Down IDIUT Lane

I know everyone remembers this gem. Josh Howard broke into my top 5 IDIUT list (to be released soon) when this surfaced on the internet. I mean sucks for Wake Forest fans everywhere who fell in love with this guy. He was ACC player of the year and he stayed all 4 years. This video has to make them wish he stayed zero years and had absolutely no connection with their school. In fact the only people who might want to associate themselves with this dickhead have a passion for blowing themselves up. I hope Josh Howard gets a full cavity search every time he gets on any public transportation by a guy who hums the Star Spangled Banner while he looks for bombs and weed in his ass. I wonder if the Mavericks can still fly commercial? What a fucking IDIUT. watch both videos


PS, can't you just see Josh Howard off camera in this video with a gun pointed at that "los" guy's head? I think he was trying to tell us that by making his eyes freak out like that. Maybe it's some new Morse code type shit.

Scum of the Earth

If I had two words to say to John Calipari, Lane Kiffin, and Geno Auriemma it would without a doubt be a big: Fuck You. I don't mean to jump on the bandwagon with disliking these guys, but I would like to further emphasize why they are the "scum of the earth" when it comes to college athletics. Personally, I am a bigger college sports fan than a professional sports fan for one reason. I feel like college basketball is what basketball is all about: being part of a team and developing chemistry rather than selfish individuals who only give a fuck about a paycheck. John Calipari is the devil to college basketball. Anyone who follows the sport and has watched his team/press conferences can tell that he is a scumbag. Prior to coaching at Kentucky, Calipari was the head coach at Memphis where he managed to recuit the top high school prospects in the country....Yes, to the University of Memphis. And how did he manage to get the best players to come to the shitty institution of Memphis? By paying the recruits and their families. Derrick Rose who went on to become the NBA Rookie of the Year didn't even take his SAT's yet Calipari said he knew nothing about it. Bullshit. I would rather these idiots take the path of Brandon Jennings playing in Europe than PRETEND they are getting an education. Calipari is the type of person that would sell his own family to get the best players.
If you follow sports you have probably heard about the scumbag Lane Kiffin leaving the University of Tennessee after one year for USC. Of course USC is the best college football coaching job in the country, but Lane Kiffin hasn't proved anything as a head coach. Not to mention he is one of the most awkward public speakers I have ever seen in my life. Kiffin's most famous speech about "singing Rocky Top all night long after beating Florida" is just fucking awkward. Well Laney, you didn't beat Florida and will probably never get the chance to play them again because USC will never be good as long as you're the coach. And great job naming your son Knox after Knoxville, Tennessee. Have fun explaining that you named him after a city you lived in for less than a year you scumbag traitor.
The last scumbag I would like to rant about is the head coach of the UConn women's basketball team Geno Auriemma. It is common to see headlines of UConn scores at the bottom of the screen beating teams by more than 50 points. Yes they are good, but I have no respect for a man who coaches a womens sport and thinks he is the shit. I admire rivalries between Roy Williams and Mike KryJEWski or Jim Boeheim and John Calhoun. But I refuse to see the intenseness between Geno and Pat Summit (a 60 year old woman who is the REAL face of women's college basketball). Congratulations Geno, for being the top man in a womens game. You might as well move on to coaching wheelchair basketball if it makes you feel good. But I would bet you would prefer to coach WOMEN'S wheelchair basketball if it makes you feel more like a man.

In the words of Jim Rome: That's what I'm burning on.

-Slam

Bron's Wet Dream Machine

In response to Tiny's comment

Quote of the Day

The inaugural "Quote of the Day" comes from this weeks "I-D-U-I-T of the Week" award winner. Here's Ron Artest discussing why he felt he deserved to play for Team USA,

"I may not be a class act, but I'm an American."

Ron, the dudes on Team USA wear Nikes. Lace up some American shoes instead of these Chinese, foot killing monstrosities you're wearing and then we can talk.

New Contributors Who Also Have Way too Much to Say

Two of my most knowledgeable friends have joined the Sports on the Reg squad. First there's Tiny, the new voice of the Cleveland Cavaliers/Redskins draft expert/NBA trade guru. Also there's slam, the college basketball expert. They'll be regular contributors to the site ,so you won't have to read my idiotic rants all the time. Enjoy and leave fucking comments if you have opinions or want to talk shit about what we've written.

-Sports Jesus

Even a Blind Squirrel Can Find a Nut

Who says the New Jersey Nets are bad? Me, you, the world, and God that's who. These guys are an absolute joke. Yeah they beat the surprisingly respectable (thanks to Eric Gordon) LA Clippers, but there's a catch. Devin Harris and Courtney Lee were both out with injuries. Now if they weren't 4-40 I would think it was a testament to their talent to win without their star and a key role player, but since they are the worst team in NBA history, I just have to chalk this one up to pure luck mixed with a Clippers team taking the night off. I mean Kris Humphrey's was struttin around like he owned the place scoring a cool career high 25 and pulling down 8 rebs. Something in the universe was off balance last night. Maybe Mike Dunleavy broke a mirror and forgot to toss some salt over his shoulder. JV mistake. Anyway, don't go out and put money on the Nets the rest of the year. My guess is they actually didn't mean to win. If you've won 3 of 40 games, what's the motivation? There's probably more motivation to keep losing and draft John Wall than to win a few more and give the T-Wolves a better shot at winning the lottery. I bet, as soon as it looked like the Nets would actually pull it out, Jay-Z and Bruce Ratner were radioing down to Kiki Vandeweghe saying "ABORT ABORT!"

Athlete of the Day----Latrell Sprewell

I don't even know where to begin with Spree. I was reading his Wikipedia page and I have to say, it is one of the most depressing life stories out there. Not because he's been unlucky (except maybe in gambling), but because he never got this whole "life" thing. When he played for the Warriors, he choked out coach P.J. Carlesimo for telling him to "put a little mustard on his passes." He left and and then (of course) returned 20 minutes later and sucker punched Carlesimo. This isn't even the funniest incident. He once fought Jerome Kersey in practice, left and (of course) came back, but this time he had a 2 X 4 piece of wood. Dude just doesn't know when to call it quits. How about you go home, drink a Coca Cola, watch some tube, count your money, take an Ambien, pass out, and just come back tomorrow? No, I think I'll hit up my trunk and pick out one of my murder weapons and come back swingin'. At least he kept it real.

Spree is currently broke. Maybe he shouldn't have declined the Timberwolves when they offered him a 3 year 21 million dollar contract. He was insulted by this and he uttered the famous words "I have a family to feed." I mean I'm sure a badass dude like Spree has like 85 kids but still. Just deck them out in free Sprewell gear like all those Spree shoes that never got sold. I think 7 mil a year can cover the rest. He never signed another contract with a team. Also, he apparently choked out his girlfriend while they were fucking on his yacht. Lets just say "Milwaukee's Best" isn't his yacht anymore. So he's a little down on his luck so if you see him on the street toss him some change.

PS, check out that focus. All business when it comes to gambling. Probably lost millions in side bets that night to KG and the Alien...at a charity blackjack tournament

When keepin it real goes wrong

Gilbert Runnin' Shit in the 07' All Star Game

Going hard

Lawson Snubbed from the Rook Soph Game?

Lawson gets snubbed
Fuck this noise about Ty not getting a spot because there are 5 other guards. Hall of fucking Fame coach Jerry Sloan, when asked what he was most worried about before the Jazz played the Nuggets, gave a simple answer, "Ty Lawson." The rookie backup point guard? He wasn't worried about Carmelo scoring an easy 40, Billups runnin shit with 20 points 10 assists, J.R. Smith making it rain, the Chris "the birdman" Anderson's hair and neck tattoos, or Kenyon Martin murdering Kyle Korver. He was worried about Ty. Let him play he's more exciting to watch than James Harden, Jonas Jerekbo, and Taj Gibson being all fundamental. The only forward I would want to watch broke his kneecap before the season started. I guess DeJuan Blair is okay because he has a monopoly on rebounds, and I respect the guy who's gonna pull down 25 rebs in the Rook Soph game. Make it an all guards team! No one gives a fuck who wins the score is deleted from history 5 minutes after the game is over.

PS, Hansbrough could make a case too if he ever gets over his month long inner ear infection or whatever. I be he has more double doubles than Taj Gibson in a third of the games.


PPS, how pissed does Ty look that the photographer made him take a picture with just him and Tyler?

I-D-I-U-Ts of the Year

Arena and Crittenton suspended for the year

So this news shouldn't be a surprise to anyone except maybe to Javaris and Gilbert because they're just that fucking stupid. They are both suspended for the season. Thank God. It was almost sad watching Gilbert and his publicists try to make it seem like teams were actually interested in him and that he could be playing somewhere else by years end instead of sitting in a cell. The good thing about Crittenton is that he isn't acting like teams want him because he knows he's not worth anything. He's just like fuck it I'll just ride it out and if no one wants me, I'll go to Europe where this story won't break for another 4-5 years.

I just wish we had a stenographer in the room when they were goin at it. Gilbert makes like 30 mil a year. Crittenton makes 1 million and has probably spent all that on his friends and baby mama drama. He was dead fucking serious about getting his money because he needs it. Gilbert literally spent 1 million dollars on a swimming pool at his house. What a fuck you to the organization. He signs a 100 million dollar contract in the middle of recovering from one of his like 5 knee surgeries and sits out almost the entire next season, buys a pool worth more than a bunch of player's salaries. Gilbert was just being a bully,but he bullied the wrong bench warmer with a mountain of credit card debt and shit got outta hand

Are You Serious DeAngelo Williams?

Really DeAngelo? Another fucking Pants on the Ground Video? I don't know how anyone in the NFL has the balls to follow Brett Favre's rendition, so I guess kudos for that. Yes it's obvious that you practiced a lot, but I give "snacks" a C- for enthusiasm. Come on dude DeAngelo's gettin after it and you're just bobbing your head. At least do a drumstick twirl or have some sweet sign-off move or something. All in all it was pretty good. I guess when you don't make the playoffs you have time to do this shit.

And now for the man, the myth, the legend General Larry Platt. You can't teach singing range like that. He hit some high notes that aren't even in the fucking music books. A true innovator

Athlete of the Day---John Rocker

John "the Grand Wizard" Rocker is the athlete of the day. I mean look at that physique. Perfect for rippin homers over center. Wait a minute. Wasn't the he just a closer? If you saw an animal like that wandering around the bullpen what would be the first thing you would think after asking him if he was lost? Probably about every performance enhancing drug in the fucking book right?. His piss is so ridden with PEDs he could probably put it in a bottle and reuse it. Just inject that wild concoction in his ass and let it go to work.

I'm sure no one has forgotten the controversy about his racist and homophobic tendencies (to put it lightly). He was just a Georgia boy lost in a sport that is dominated by the Northeast and the west coast. I was brought to tears when he said of New York Mets fans, "Nowhere else in the country do people spit at you, throw bottles at you, throw quarters at you, throw batteries at you and say, 'Hey, I did your mother last night — she's a whore.' I talked about what degenerates they were and they proved me right." You have to pity a guy who has fucking batteries thrown at him. I mean really, who has batteries in their pockets anyway? Either they're expecting a good old fashion stonin', or maybe they're hoping to be one of a kind hero who just happens to have a few double As in their pocket when the TV remote dies. Also, you have to commend him for revising what that particular fan probably really said. It was probably more like "hey rocker! I fucked your mother last night! Should I go get tested for STDs? Yeah, keep walkin Rocker you fuck."

Anyway, he sells real estate in Georgia now. "Whites only" has got to be somewhere in his brochures and bus bench ads.

Did Obama make Kentucky Lose?

Obama, pictured above (FYI he's the guy in the middle), has once again, stuck his nose a little too far into the world of sports. Yesterday he had a televised phone conversation with the Kentucky basketball team because they helped with Haiti relief. Completely fine. Then he starts joking around with John Wall saying, "Oh I've been watching YOU." Watching the facial expressions of the other Kentucky players while Obama and Wall were having their private chat in public made me extremely nervous. I could feel the tension in the room. As if the guys on the team don't hear enough about how good John Wall is. Now they've got the fucking president doing it on national TV right in front of them. Watching Patrick Patterson, the Senior fucking captain, fake laugh, and Demarcus Cousins, who happens to be playing a million times better than Wall right now, crack a forced grin and awkwardly touch his face because he wanted to scream I'M AVERAGING 18 POINTS 11 REBOUNDS SHOOTING LIKE 70% IN OUR LAST 10 GAMES! WHAT THE FUCK MR PRESIDENT! JOHN HASN'T SCORED 20 POINTS IN 11 GAMES! Check out his face at 15-21 seconds and at 45 when he's wondering how much longer he can be on camera without snapping
I bet he has trashed his dorm room right after this and don't be surprised if John Wall (Cousin's roommate) mysteriously disappears.

Back to Obama. He absolutely cursed Kentucky when he said "There is that tendency once you get to number one to let down a little bit." Don't put those ideas in those kids heads dude. What do you think they were thinking about during the entire game? Leave that shit to Calipari who had probably already given them the whole huge target on your back talk. That's motivating. They probably would have already lost, but Barry Obama took it a step further. Cousins, being an immature frosh said something to the tune of we're looking forward to meeting you at the White House after we win the national championship. Obama responded with a phrase that caught the attention of the Jinx police. "The way you guys are going, that may happen." Every officer in the jinx police was ordered to go to Columbia, SC to make sure all of Downey's circus shots and all of the three pointers from anonymous Gamecocks down the stretch went in. What he should have done was either chuckle and just give them a "yeah" or say something poetic (as he loves to do) like, "well Demarcus, uhh you guys just keep working hard and listening to your coach, and maybe you'll get that opportunity." And another one bites the dust. Way to go Barry. Leave serious basketball shit like motivating the players on the number 1 team to the coach and go study some bracketology because we all know you'll steal the tourney's spotlight by filling out a bracket with Fran Fraschilla on Sportscenter.

PS, can you believe that hoops squad? It's like all Asians and a Middle Eastern water boy (seated top left) that's the most ethnically diverse team I've ever seen.

London Fletcher? A Pro Bowler? Hell has Frozen Over

The Washington Post

Or has it? You know what the saddest part about London getting selected to his first Pro Bowl is? He was a fucking alternate, and Johnathon Vilma can't make it for some reason or another. Oh yeah! The new Pro Bowl system creates exceptions and asterisks, Since guys playing in the Super Bowl can't play. I mean just from the 2 Superbowl teams, there are probably 15 Pro Bowl starters who cant go. As if these guys needed another excuse to not play.

Anyway as for Johnathon Vilma, He had 110 tackles as compared to London's 142. I know there is more to being a linebacker than tackles so I dug deeper. They had the same amount of sacks (2.0) Vilma had 3 ints to London's 1 (whatever), and Vilma failed to force a fumble while London had 1 forced fumble. I'll leave out the intangibles that London possesses because if you aren't a Skins fan, you just don't get it. I'll just say that London hits people so hard they lose their souls and their bowels. He knocked DeSean Jackson out of the game, off his high horse, and off his rocker (pictured right) and we did everything but win that game. If they didn't show the score on TV I would have been shocked to see we lost. London is like Darren Sproles short and he still makes receivers shit their pants when they they see him. He's got heart and is a leader. I'm glad he got in, but I hate that fucking side note about him only getting in because Vilma's playing in the Superbowl.

THE TAR HEELS WIN! THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TAR HEELS WIN!

Can you believe it? The Tar Heel team with the worst team chemistry since the Matt Doherty years pulls off the victory AT State. We once again own state supremacy! NOT. How many dadgums did Roy have to say to get Deon to get his fucking head on straight? CHECK OUT THE BIG BRAIN ON DEON! 20 points I wonder if he learned a new post move. And don't get me started on Dextor's laboratory...he teases all of us with that huge game against Rutgers. That dick had us all like "this guy's a star! No doubt in my mind. All he needed was for Roy to cut him loose!" Uhh fast forward 6 games and 4 losses later and we're all just searching for answers. I actually said to my friend at the Wake game, "they should give it to Leslie McDonald, he has a pretty shot." Leslie McDonald. The guy who averages 3.6 points per game. That was when I knew the Heels had hit a new low. Anyway congrats on the win boys. Roy's still going to kick ya'lls asses in practice tomorrow so don't party too hard tonight...If you're still allowed at parties in Chapel Hill.

The Old Switcharoo

I think the time has come for the Washington Wizards (my team) to find some odd loophole in the whole NBA salary system and somehow dump EVERYONE and bring in the Dakota Wizards of the NBDL. Just sign them all to minimum deals. They'd be fucking ecstatic. They have a winning record in the D-league, and brought how a trophy in '07. I could see them actually winning some games just out of sheer excitement and energy because their dreams are coming true. Then trade the ones with any value, keep a couple,dump the rest, draft John Wall or Evan Turner, and sign Bosh, Wade, AND Bron. I mean I'm sure that would be breaking a million rules and we might have to deal with just Bron and Bosh, but can you imagine it? John Wall, Bron, Wade, Bosh, and Connor Atchley (from the D-league) with stars in his eyes? The Wizards would be on TV so much they'd get airtime on TNT for practices. GET ME RAUL FERNANDEZ ON THE PHONE!

PS Wizards 103 Lakers 115 but who even looks at Wizards scores anymore. I bet you would if Connor Atchley and the boys from Dakota were playing the Bron and the Cavs. Big story on ESPN would be Bron to the Wiz? He was mingling with Obama before the game and was wearing a Nats hat when he left.

Betting on NBA Games "WARNING! for idiots only"

So my friend and I decided to finally man up and graduate from Centsports and throw some real money around on Sportsbook. Cause after all, isn't that what being in college is all about? Becoming a man? Well like a couple savvy gambling men we started off semi safe betting on some college masterlock games and turned our 20 dollars into 40 the first night. Riding high off our JV wins we decided to get a little more risky the next night. By getting risky I mean betting on an ACC game and.....the NBA. We didn't realize the danger until we got sucked in with a money pick of the Mavs +4 to Celts at the Garden. $$$$. The rest of the night didn't go as well, but we caught the NBA virus. We had 50 real tangible dollars in our legit sportsbook bank account. This was last Wednesday. Fast forward to Friday morning and we have 5 dollars and we're strung out like that that family man in on a business trip in vegas who just lost his house and one of his sons to the Bellagio. anyway, if I deposit another 20 then dad might start asking questions. solution? start selling shit on ebay. I sold my soul when I made that account and deposited 20 dollars that I didn't even earn into a betting website.

Moral of the story is unless you're in cahoots with whoever Donaghy passed the torch to or you have a whole lot of nice shit to sell on ebay, stay the fuck away from betting on the NBA.

John's Wall

In light of Kentucky's John Wall being on the front page of ESPN.com for probably the 30th time in as many days, I wanted to say something about him. Will he live up to this Lebron Jamesish hype?

I really have no idea. Yes he's physically gifted and everything. I mean he could blow by a cheetah, jump over Shawn Bradley, and throw it down, but is that enough to be considered the first coming of some new God-like point guard? I love watching him play the game, don't get me wrong because he has the ability to take over and make electrifying plays, but his 4 TOs per game say maybe he forces it. He turns it over more than Larry Drew II, and every time Larry has the ball I freak out scream at the TV "GET RID OF IT! GET RID OF IT!" because I know the moment he feels pressure, whether it be from the other point guard or Roy's death stare, he's going to throw the ball directly to the other team.

Also, I question the head he has on his shoulders. What number 1 UNSIGNED recruit puts himself in a situation were he has to be detained by police for a B&E? He's got every college NBA and Euro coach drooling and signing day is approaching. What does he decide to do? Round up some of his "closest" buds go to an upper class neighborhood and perform a completely JV breaking and entering. Maybe I'm not being fair, but come on. Yeah he's fine now, but that was a potentially disastrous decision.

I won't say he'll be a bust, and yeah he could in the hall of fame. I just wonder if he won't get in his own way. It's hard to do that in college when you have a strict coach (discipline wise. not strict when it comes to recruiting rules) like Calipari riding you about decisions on and off the court. I wouldn't want the condescending asshole on my case about anything. Just wait until the NBA when he has a coach who is afraid to get on him about anything because the owner has told him "Don't piss Wall off because he's making me money, and I'll fire you if he even mulls over the idea of leaving my team." This isn't just about John Wall I hate when the media hypes players this much. I'm not gonna lie, it would go directly to my head. How can you not feel invincible if people say you could be the best point guard ever.

I-D-I-U-T of the week

So Ron Artest has been wearing some communist Chinese kicks called Peak Shoes and has developed plantar fasciitis in both feet. Phil Jackson is befuddled. "I've called his shoes concrete boots for about the last month," Jackson told ESPNLosAngeles.com. "Those shoes look like they are made for the Hudson River. But he stays with them and he gets his feet worked on. But he does not move really quickly. He looks like he's clogging around out there." Note to Ron: stop being so fucking weird and lace up some Nikes like a normal person. IDIUT.



PS, why do the Chinese insist on coming up with stupid names for their stuff. Peak Shoes? thats like calling you're company Good Shoes or The Best Shoes. i mean 75% of Chinese restaurants are called Yum Yum Good China or Good Taste China. I'm sure there's some translation issues but come on. The only well-named Chinese restaurant is P.F. Changs and that was created by some guy named Paul Fleming from Scottsdale and is more American than McDonalds. I actually think they discriminate against Chinese when hiring waiters because I've never seen one working there.